Armageddon: The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy) Read online

Page 26


  ‘Come on, chief,’ chirruped the sprout. ‘We really must be going . . .’

  And in a flash they were.

  Rex and Christeen were left alone. Above them the pyramid’s pinnacle broke away and roared off into the sky. ‘Big boobies,’ said Fergus. ‘I’m sorry to keep on, but it’s something of a fixation.’

  ‘To boldly go,’ Jovil told him, ‘where no Phnaarg has ever gone before.’

  ‘If the disc is a fake and Jovil couldn’t be in two places at once,’ said Rex. ‘Doesn’t this mean that all this . . .’ Christeen smiled up at him. She was the most beautiful woman who had ever lived. ‘Oh, nothing,’ said Rex.

  ‘Kiss me, you fool,’ said God’s only daughter.

  Planet Earth rolled on in ever decreasing circles about the sun. But everything was really going to be all right this time, wasn’t it?

  ‘I can’t eat this,’ came the voice of Deathblade Eric. ‘This fellow’s got green blood and he smells like stale cabbage.’

  ‘So he does,’ Rambo agreed. ‘Now there’s a thing.’

  ‘And what about me?’ Gloria asked.

  ‘Damned if I know dear.’ Ms Vrillium admired herself in the mirror. ‘I expect we’ll find out in the sequel. All this is really far too good to be true.’

  And it was.

  THE END

  Also by

  ROBERT RANKIN

  The Antipope

  The Brentford Triangle

  East of Ealing

  The Sprouts of Wrath

  Armageddon: The Musical

  They Came and Ate Us

  The Suburban Book of the Dead

  The Book of Ultimate Truths

  Raiders of the Lost Car Park

  The Greatest Show Off Earth

  The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived

  The Garden of Unearthly Delights

  A Dog Called Demolition

  Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

  Sprout Mask Replica

  The Brentford Chainstore Massacre

  The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag

  Apocalypso

  Snuff Fiction

  Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls

  Waiting for Godalming

  Web Site Story

  The Fandom of the Operator

  The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

  The Witches of Chiswick

  Knees Up Mother Earth

  The Brightonomicon

  The Toyminator

  The Da-da-de-da-da Code

  Necrophenia

  Retromancer

  The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions

  The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age

  The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds

  Illustrated works:

  The Bumper Book of Ficts written by Neil Gardner

  EMPIRES

  E-book edition cover illustration by Robert Rankin

  Art direction and loveliness Rachel Hayward

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33

 

 

 


    The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions Read onlineThe Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural AttractionsThe Garden of Unearthly Delights Read onlineThe Garden of Unearthly DelightsThe Suburban Book of the Dead: Armageddon III: The Remake Read onlineThe Suburban Book of the Dead: Armageddon III: The RemakeArmageddon_The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy Book 1) Read onlineArmageddon_The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy Book 1)The Toyminator Read onlineThe ToyminatorThe Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse Read onlineThe Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the ApocalypseThe Sprouts of Wrath Read onlineThe Sprouts of WrathEast of Ealing Read onlineEast of EalingThe Greatest Show Off Earth Read onlineThe Greatest Show Off EarthThe Antipope Read onlineThe AntipopeThe Brentford Chainstore Massacre Read onlineThe Brentford Chainstore MassacreThey Came and Ate Us_The B-Movie (Armageddon Trilogy 2) Read onlineThey Came and Ate Us_The B-Movie (Armageddon Trilogy 2)Nostradamus Ate My Hamster Read onlineNostradamus Ate My HamsterSex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls Read onlineSex and Drugs and Sausage RollsThe Suburban Book of the Dead_The Remake (Armageddon Trilogy 3) Read onlineThe Suburban Book of the Dead_The Remake (Armageddon Trilogy 3)The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived Read onlineThe Most Amazing Man Who Ever LivedThe Book of Ultimate Truths Read onlineThe Book of Ultimate TruthsA Dog Called Demolition Read onlineA Dog Called DemolitionWaiting for Godalming Read onlineWaiting for GodalmingThe Dance of the Voodoo Handbag Read onlineThe Dance of the Voodoo HandbagApocalypso Read onlineApocalypsoThey Came and Ate Us: Armageddon II: The B-Movie Read onlineThey Came and Ate Us: Armageddon II: The B-MovieThe Lord of the Ring Roads Read onlineThe Lord of the Ring RoadsRetromancer Read onlineRetromancerThe Fandom of the Operator Read onlineThe Fandom of the OperatorThe Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age Read onlineThe Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern AgeNecrophenia Read onlineNecropheniaThe Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends Read onlineThe Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy FiendsThe Abominable Showman Read onlineThe Abominable ShowmanRaiders of the Lost Carpark Read onlineRaiders of the Lost CarparkThe Brentford Triangle Read onlineThe Brentford TriangleSnuff Fiction Read onlineSnuff FictionThe Da-Da-De-Da-Da Code Read onlineThe Da-Da-De-Da-Da CodeWeb Site Story Read onlineWeb Site StoryThe Brightonomicon Read onlineThe BrightonomiconThe Lord of the Ring Roads (The Final Brentford Trilogy Book 1) Read onlineThe Lord of the Ring Roads (The Final Brentford Trilogy Book 1)East of Ealing (The Brentford Trilogy Book 3) Read onlineEast of Ealing (The Brentford Trilogy Book 3)Sprout Mask Replica (Completely Barking Mad Trilogy Book 1) Read onlineSprout Mask Replica (Completely Barking Mad Trilogy Book 1)Knees Up Mother Earth bs-7 Read onlineKnees Up Mother Earth bs-7The Sprouts of Wrath (The Brentford Trilogy Book 4) Read onlineThe Sprouts of Wrath (The Brentford Trilogy Book 4)Waiting for Godalming (Completely Barking Mad Trilogy Book 3) Read onlineWaiting for Godalming (Completely Barking Mad Trilogy Book 3)The Brentford Chainstore Massacre (The Brentford Trilogy Book 5) Read onlineThe Brentford Chainstore Massacre (The Brentford Trilogy Book 5)Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls (The Brentford Trilogy Book 6) Read onlineSex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls (The Brentford Trilogy Book 6)The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag (Completely Barking Mad Trilogy Book 2) Read onlineThe Dance of the Voodoo Handbag (Completely Barking Mad Trilogy Book 2)The Brentford Triangle (The Brentford Trilogy Book 2) Read onlineThe Brentford Triangle (The Brentford Trilogy Book 2)The Antipope (The Brentford Trilogy Book 1) Read onlineThe Antipope (The Brentford Trilogy Book 1)Raiders of the Lost Car Park (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy Book 2) Read onlineRaiders of the Lost Car Park (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy Book 2)They Came and Ate Us - Armageddon II_The B-Movie (Armageddon Trilogy Book 2) Read onlineThey Came and Ate Us - Armageddon II_The B-Movie (Armageddon Trilogy Book 2)The Sprouts of Wrath bs-4 Read onlineThe Sprouts of Wrath bs-4The Witches of Chiswick Read onlineThe Witches of ChiswickThe Suburban Book of the Dead - Armageddon III: The Remake (Armageddon Trilogy 3) Read onlineThe Suburban Book of the Dead - Armageddon III: The Remake (Armageddon Trilogy 3)The Book of Ultimate Truths (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy 1) Read onlineThe Book of Ultimate Truths (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy 1)The Brightonomicon (Brentford Book 8) Read onlineThe Brightonomicon (Brentford Book 8)Armageddon: The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy) Read onlineArmageddon: The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy)The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy Book 3) Read onlineThe Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy Book 3)