Armageddon: The Musical (Armageddon Trilogy) Page 26

  ‘Come on, chief,’ chirruped the sprout. ‘We really must be going . . .’

  And in a flash they were.

  Rex and Christeen were left alone. Above them the pyramid’s pinnacle broke away and roared off into the sky. ‘Big boobies,’ said Fergus. ‘I’m sorry to keep on, but it’s something of a fixation.’

  ‘To boldly go,’ Jovil told him, ‘where no Phnaarg has ever gone before.’

  ‘If the disc is a fake and Jovil couldn’t be in two places at once,’ said Rex. ‘Doesn’t this mean that all this . . .’ Christeen smiled up at him. She was the most beautiful woman who had ever lived. ‘Oh, nothing,’ said Rex.

  ‘Kiss me, you fool,’ said God’s only daughter.

  Planet Earth rolled on in ever decreasing circles about the sun. But everything was really going to be all right this time, wasn’t it?

  ‘I can’t eat this,’ came the voice of Deathblade Eric. ‘This fellow’s got green blood and he smells like stale cabbage.’

  ‘So he does,’ Rambo agreed. ‘Now there’s a thing.’

  ‘And what about me?’ Gloria asked.

  ‘Damned if I know dear.’ Ms Vrillium admired herself in the mirror. ‘I expect we’ll find out in the sequel. All this is really far too good to be true.’

  And it was.

  THE END

  Also by

  ROBERT RANKIN

  The Antipope

  The Brentford Triangle

  East of Ealing

  The Sprouts of Wrath

  Armageddon: The Musical

  They Came and Ate Us

  The Suburban Book of the Dead

  The Book of Ultimate Truths

  Raiders of the Lost Car Park

  The Greatest Show Off Earth

  The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived

  The Garden of Unearthly Delights

  A Dog Called Demolition

  Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

  Sprout Mask Replica

  The Brentford Chainstore Massacre

  The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag

  Apocalypso

  Snuff Fiction

  Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls

  Waiting for Godalming

  Web Site Story

  The Fandom of the Operator

  The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

  The Witches of Chiswick

  Knees Up Mother Earth

  The Brightonomicon

  The Toyminator

  The Da-da-de-da-da Code

  Necrophenia

  Retromancer

  The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions

  The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age

  The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds

  Illustrated works:

  The Bumper Book of Ficts written by Neil Gardner

  EMPIRES

  E-book edition cover illustration by Robert Rankin

  Art direction and loveliness Rachel Hayward

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33